Zombie Apocalypse
by PokeyDotes
Summary: Leave it to Deeks to bring up the apocalypse. A one-shot centered around Sam and Deeks discussing hypothetical situations in a mall.


**A/N:** This is the one-shot I gave a small preview of on Twitter a while back. You may notice that some of my tweets inspire/were influenced by this story.

Just so everyone knows, this piece is not meant to be taken seriously. It's kind of in the same mood as _Allow Me to Introduce Myself._ It's just something I started in order to get my writing juices flowing again. I had come to a stand still, and needed some inspiration, and once again, my sister asked me a question that set my mind a rolling. Thank goodness for my two sisters.

Apparently, moving 600 miles away from your family will make you a little depressed, and steal away your muse. Again, this is just a one-shot, there really is no plot. At all. Ever. It's just a little moment of stupidity between Sam and Deeks. Nothing more.

**Zombie Apocalypse**

"If you could have _one_ person by your side in a zombie apocalypse, who would it be?" Deeks asks casually, his elbows resting on the balcony's railing, his eyes squinted as he takes in the multitude of people walking through the mall's food court below.

Deeks can feel Sam look at him, no doubtedly sporting a look equal parts confusion and annoyance.

"What?"

Deeks lets one corner of his mouth quirk up in a smile at the tone in Sam's voice. "I asked, if you could—"

"Yeah, I heard what you asked," Sam interrupts, his dimpled smile and relaxed eyes belying his supposedly harsh tone. "What the hell kind of question is that?"

Deeks straightens to his full height, taking a sip of his near empty drink before shrugging and gesturing to the crowd below. "They kind of look like zombies," is his only answer.

Sam squints his eyes, looking at Deeks suspiciously before peering over the railing and taking in the people wandering about. Deeks resumes his propped position, elbows once again resting on the protective bar, the styrofoam cup dangling in loose fingers.

For a moment, neither man says anything, each studying the scene in a new light. Deeks doesn't know where his mind was going when it decided to pick up on the zombie comparison, but now that he's seen it, he can't _un-see_ it.

The mall is busy, that special time of day where school has just let out and parents and children flock to one central location. Everyone's focused on their own needs, completely ignorant of what's going on around them, most having their attention centered on their phones. For Deeks, it's easy to see the comparison to the mindless, living-dead.

As Deeks turns to look at his temporary partner, he's willing to bet money that the look on Sam's face says that the Agent's seeing it, too.

"So, who would it be?" Deeks asks, his teeth clenched around the straw in his mouth. He slurps the last bit of liquid, the annoying gurgling sound drowned out by the noise of the busy mall.

Sam mirrors Deeks' pose, elbows on the railing as he tilts his head to the side, his lips pursed as he actually considers the answer. Deeks can't help smiling, his tongue pushing the straw out of the way as he offers up a guess. "You're gonna say Callen, aren't you?"

Sam smiles, lips pressed tight as he shakes his head side to side. "Nope."

Deeks' smile turns to one of confusion. "Kensi?" he guesses again, knowing the woman forever redefined the word 'lethal' in his mind.

Again, Sam shakes his head in the negative, his features adopting a stern shadow, and Deeks feels himself being drawn into a serious conversation. Sort of.

"Do you really think just two people could survive an apocalypse on their own?" Sam questions.

Deeks tosses the cup into the nearby trash, saving the straw to chew on. "If it's the right two people," he reasons.

Sam nods his head twice, offering a reluctant agreement before continuing with his point. "Think about it like this, Deeks. You and Kensi are great together. You know each other's strengths and weaknesses, you know where you need to step up to make sure you have the other's back. But, the two of you aren't always enough."

Deeks twists the straw between his fingers and teeth, his stomach feeling hollow at the truth in Sam's words. "Yeah," he admits lamely, knowing there's been more than once either he or Kensi have come close to _not_ having the other's back.

"But," Sam continues, his tone lighter. "G and I usually step in and save your ass." Sam smiles full force, two dimples framing his face.

"I can name a time or two we've saved your ass," Deeks quickly counters, happy to have the conversation turn back towards the friendly.

"A time or two…" Sam concedes jokingly, both knowing the numbers are way higher—not that anyone's keeping count.

"So, you're saying we're better as a team, the four of us," Deeks clarifies, gesturing between himself and Sam, as though the two of them represent their partners as well.

Sam nods and snaps his finger, pointing at Deeks' chest. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

Deeks laughs lightly and turns his attention back to the crowd below, watching as a worker for one of the Chinese food stands tries to pass out free samples of what looks like teriyaki chicken. He and Sam fall into a comfortable silence, content to wait quietly at their designated post.

Deeks watches as a boy, probably no older than fourteen, walks into one of the large potted plants stationed near the fountain. The boy's eyes never leave the phone in his hands as he steadies his balance and awkwardly skirts around the discovered obstacle.

Deeks hears Sam scoff, signaling that he had seen the act of stupidity as well. Picking up where they had left off several minutes before, Deeks asks tentatively, "What about Eric and Nell?"

"They're part of the team," Sam answers simply, sounding as though he had already considered the duo's place in the hypothetical apocalypse.

Deeks squints his eyes and tilts his head as he considers the benefits of having Nell and Eric strategizing, imagining the possibilities of having the savvy duo watch the team's backs while he and the others fight to break through a horde of zombies.

"They'd _definitely_ come in handy," Deeks drawls absently, straw slowly losing its shape as he continues to gnaw.

Sam chuckles once before agreeing. "Yeah, they would," he says quietly. Deeks turns, finding Sam's eyes darting about as he seemingly tracks the movements of the people below.

Curious now, Deeks slows his chewing of the straw and watches as Sam's features grow serious. Deeks casts another cautionary glance to the crowd and the many entrances into the food court, insuring that he hasn't missed something before fixating once again on the man beside him.

Deeks has gotten to know Sam pretty well over the past few years. Admittedly, the man is still more a mystery than anything else, but Deeks likes to think that they've become friends rather than simply teammates.

While most instances where Sam and Deeks have been paired together usually consisted of an aggravated and more than slightly pissed off Sam, Deeks can tell that something's brewing in the Agent's mind, something different from the angry times before. Despite the serious set to Sam's brow, Deeks is willing to bet money that the man's still thinking of the apocalypse.

Sam can quote _The Art of War_ forwards and backwards—in two languages—so Deeks knows Sam never willingly goes into a situation without considering every possible scenario, hypothetical situations included.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Deeks asks, glancing once to his phone, making certain he hasn't missed anything.

Sam shrugs and instantly relaxes his face, and if Deeks didn't know any better, he'd say Sam looks…embarrassed?

"Nothing," Sam answers after a beat, having waited until he had his features once again under control. Deeks narrows his eyes disbelievingly, ruined straw resting limply against his bottom lip.

"Uh-huh," Deeks agrees sarcastically, his eyes darting to the crowd as a toddler begins to wail near the carrousel before rising back to try and meet Sam's.

Sam seems to know that he's been caught. He drops his head, shaking it slightly as he lets loose a small huff of air, a self-deprecating smile playing out as he slowly admits, "I was just…strategizing."

An accompanying smirk appears beneath Deeks' narrowed eyes. He doesn't even try to hide his pleasure in finding that Sam had played along with his moment of juvenile daydreaming to the point that he is now planning strategic maneuvers against a mall full of theoretical zombies.

Deeks laughs, twirling what's left of the straw between his fingers, his head leaning back as his deep laugh slowly dies. He's forced to reach out and catch his balance on the railing when Sam's fist connects with his shoulder, threatening to knock him to the ground. The act causes the straw to drop, both Sam and Deeks' eyes tracking its descent as it falls into the mayhem below.

As soon as the plastic bounces off the top bun of a woman's half-eaten burger, the woman's angry and shocked eyes immediately shooting upwards to look for the culprit, Deeks and Sam each take a step back from the railing, hiding from the woman's view.

"You probably shouldn't piss off the horde," Deeks says, adopting a helpful, advice-giving tone. "Just sayin'."

Sam scoffs as he begins to walk away, finding them a new vantage point, one where the accosted woman can't see them. They stop across from the glass elevators, plopping down on a metal bench outside a candle shop.

Deeks immediately feels nauseous, the many smells drifting upwards from the food court blending with the overwhelming scents from the candle shop combine together to form a full frontal assault on his nose, and subsequently, his stomach.

"Just so you know," Deeks begins, stretching his legs out straight and crossing his ankles as he slumps in the bench, "You suck at choosing tactical vantage points." He pinches the bridge of his nose, and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to block out the strong smells of vanilla and cherry blossom mixing with fryer grease.

Sam chuckles again, shaking his head as he leans forward, elbows resting on knees. "We still talking about zombies?"

"Sure," Deeks answers, happy to continue the conversation, if for no other reason than to have something to do. They've been waiting in the mall for almost two hours now, doing nothing more than standing around. They don't have any mics or earpieces, just their phones—which haven't rang or chimed the entire time.

"Theoretically, this would be a _perfect_ vantage point if we were surrounded by zombies," Sam defends, and Deeks can tell that the man is just as bored as he is. Why else would Sam Hanna play along?

"And why is that?" Deeks challenges, letting the back of his head connect with the glass window behind him.

Sam straightens and gestures to the candle shop with his thumb. "Candles would mask our scent, zombies wouldn't be able to smell us." Sam then points to the elevators on the opposite wall. "And we could see if anything tried to come up to our floor."

"You know many zombies that would take an elevator?" Deeks asks jokingly.

"You know you're too much of a smart-ass?" Sam fires back with a smile shortly before his left eyebrow twitches with an idea. "We'd have Nell and Eric shut down the elevators."

"Of course," Deeks agrees with mock seriousness.

"We could set Kensi up with a rifle, have her take out anything that tries to come up through the escalators. Of course, we'd have to block 'em, but…"

Deeks smiles again, biting his lower lip to keep from laughing. Sam is a serious kind of guy. A true-blue Navy Seal, go get-em, no nonsense kind of man. Usually. Deeks knows that Sam and Callen have their fair share of banter debates. He's heard them numerous times. But Deeks would be lying if he said he imagined the day when he and Sam would sit around discussing zombies. Deeks and Kensi, sure. But Sam?

And it's not like Sam is trying to belittle Deeks, trying to knock down his ideas or thoughts. No, Sam is actually putting forth notions, even going so far as to _lead _the debate…

"We'd have to block the stairwells," Deeks points out, gesturing to the bright red 'EXIT' sign next to the elevators. "We wouldn't have to worry about them coming in from the roof, but we'd be screwed if we didn't block off the main entrance."

Sam takes a moment to consider this bit of information. "Block off the entrance, we'd only have to worry about the ones already inside," he says quietly, still not offering a solution to the open front doors.

Deeks nods, his mouth twisted to the side as he tries to think of an answer. He's so deep in thought, that when Sam offers a quiet solution, Deeks jumps a little. "We'd have to go down and block them manually."

"Go down? Into the horde?" Deeks asks incredulously, his shock more akin to a real situation than a pretend one.

"G and I could handle it," Sam says confidently, offering up a cocky shrug of the shoulders. "Out of all of us, we're the best at hand to hand."

"You think you could take on a bunch of zombies with a pointy stick?" Deeks asks, remembering the times he's tried to train with Sam and Callen.

"If my life depended on it." Sam's face is impassive, complete seriousness, and for a moment, Deeks can actually _see_ Sam and Callen fighting their way through a mob of the living dead, knives and batons striking with lethal accuracy, he and Kensi firing from above with a pair of sniper rifles.

Maybe they are better as a team.

Deeks is just about to ask what Sam's plan for survival would be after they had successfully eliminated the threats in the mall when their phones chime, alerting them both to a shared text.

Deeks reaches into his pocket, unlocking the screen and reading Nell's quick message.

_Change of plans. Rendezvous no longer planned for mall. Come home._

"Lovely," Deeks mumbles, stretching his neck. They had just wasted two hours waiting at the mall for people who weren't even going to show up.

Sam doesn't say anything, he simply stands and heads for the elevators.

"So, you never answered my question," Deeks says as they climb into the glass enclosure.

Sam looks at him through the corners of his eyes. "What question?"

"If you could only have _one_ person with you, who would it be?"

Sam shakes his head and leans his shoulder against the elevator's wall, his hands resting in his pockets. Apparently, now that they're on their way back, playtime's over.

"It'd be Hetty, wouldn't it?" Deeks guesses, this time more knowingly, more serious.

"Definitely," Sam answers quickly, honestly.

Both men smile as the doors close. Hetty could totally kick some zombie ass.

Fin

**A/N:** I warned you that there was no plot.

On the plus side, I'm trying to get into writing again. I'm back among the employed, and really need FF to take away all the headache that comes with waiting tables. I seriously think I was having withdrawals from this site. I'm serious.


End file.
